Virgin Tendencies
by Bunii Bo
Summary: This is the beginning of Kirk and Spock finally coming together.
1. Part 1: The Plant

Kirk lay quietly on his bed, reflecting on his rather embarrassing attempt months ago involving Spock and a "kink in his back." A pulse of anger and regret shot through his body, and he scoffed to himself at the memory of Spock's dismissive eyes when he had glanced at the Captain shortly after Jim's harsh realization that the back rub he was receiving was not from Vulcan hands. His thoughts now were somewhat loathsome of his First Officer, but purely from his inability to accept that Spock was not the massaging type, especially not on the bridge with every other crew member surrounding them. The thought of Spock in masseuse attire made him giggle, and his thoughts quickly faded from loathing to adoration, as they had been last night.

Well…perhaps the emotions that coursed through every crevice of his imagination last night were a bit more than that.

His face flushed at the thought, soon turning bright red at remembering the intimate details of his daydreams that seemed to be increasing more and more each day, each daydream more erotic and blush-inducing than the next.

Thinking of them made his tender skin begin to burn. _Spock's soft, black hair…his perfect, pink lips…_His heart now pounded…he imagined Spock in the room next to him, what he looked like when he slept…

He thought of Spock's intense, dark eyes staring at him. No other eyes made him feel more uncertain and certain simultaneously of himself. Kirk now let his imagination run wild. His body trembled, imagining Spock's sensitive Vulcan fingertips tracing patterns on his bare chest. He remembered Spock passing him in a hallway earlier that day...how sexy he was when he walked, how powerful each stride was…he blushed deeply at how he had been picturing Spock naked as he walked by him, each muscle in his alien body flexing, pulling, stretching and retreating…his inhumanly hot Vulcan skin glowing in the light of the hallway. He felt his heart melt the moment Spock had simply greeted him in passing by. _That voice…his deep, beautiful voice… _The heat in Kirk's body was now venturing south, and he felt the bulge between his legs feeling as much as his imagination was.

Kirk had been more than patient with his feelings for Spock. More than reasonable with restraining his urges every time he glanced over from his chair to Spock bent over analyzing research results.

…his body was so perfectly formed, his skin so much like his own, but tinted green and light purple in the appropriate places for a Vulcan….he always cautiously fantasized approaching Spock from behind in those fleeting moments…feeling up his toned back and pressing his member against him…

It wasn't until months ago at that embarrassing moment that Kirk had ever even _considered_ purposely getting Spock to touch him in the slightest. He was not always like this…certainly not over another man…what would his friends at the Academy think of him now? Their disapproving faces entered his mind and made his affectionately-gained erection shy away instantaneously. Kirk turned to lie on his side, his face tightened and his brow furrowed. How long had it been since he had any contact with another woman for gratification? How long had it been since he had even _thought_ about another woman in any sexual way? At first he completely denied it. Denied his feelings, his impulses, shoved every thought of Spock that did not have to do with duty to the deepest, hidden chambers of his weak human soul. For the longest time, he did not understand himself and his thoughts. He dismissed them not because of their foreign nature, but because he just did not comprehend their meaning. Why Spock? Why did his knees disintegrate when he caught Spock's gaze head on?

For the longest time, he was ashamed. For the longest time he considered his feelings and reckless fantasies an insult to Spock. A purely selfish, disgraceful insult to the Vulcan who graciously gave Kirk even the slightest hints of friendship between them, who had contributed perhaps more than anyone in the crew to each mission with his sound reasoning to each seemingly-impossible quandary the crew was caught in.

Imagine, such a logical creature - a beautiful creature - even considering Jim as anything more than his Captain. Kirk curled up in a tight ball of unworthiness on his bed at the thought of it.

_I'm the Captain of a starship, damn it, _Jim recited to himself. _But I can't…I can't do this…I don't know how much longer I can lie to myself and Spock…_

He'd waited too long. Ignored his needs beyond a human's capacity to.

Now, he needed Spock. More than ever. And he would not hold back this time.

-the day proceeding-

Spock entered the bridge and walked to his station. Kirk turned his head slightly to admire the grace of his stance.

"Good morning, Captain." Spock projected, only glancing back at Kirk briefly.

_Damn it, he beat me to it, _Kirk hissed in his thoughts.

"Morning, Mr. Spock. Sleep well?" He smirked at his attempt at casual small talk. He succeeded in perpetual charm and ease naturally. His trademark confidence was seeping back into appearance as he adjusted himself comfortably in his chair, crossing one leg over the other with a hand on the arm rest.

"As well as expected, Captain." Spock resumed his work.

Kirk's smile widened, relieved at the normalcy of it all.

But knowing that it would not last for very long…


	2. Chapter 2

Only a few hours had passed into the typical day on the Enterprise, and the tension building up in Kirk was only progressing with every subtle glance in Spock's direction.

He'd decided that today would have to be the day. He had to come forward to Spock – he would never confess if he waited till another day. He'd already waited what felt like decades.

He looked back fondly on their early days together, both of them so young. Kirk was hardly a gentleman in those days, much less a Captain. But Spock…he had always been flawlessly picturesque in every aspect of his face and body. Even with every quarrel they fought through back then, Spock had always evoked a swarm of butterflies in Kirk's belly when his mere presence overcame the atmosphere of the room.

"Captain, we have a landing party on Diafaneís. They've successfully beamed up various plant life the Federation wants transported to the nearest Star base for research," Uhura announced.

Kirk winced with his shoulders, startled at the sudden break of silence in his own thoughts.

"Yes, thank you, Lieutenant." Jim mumbled promptly. He pushed a button on the arm rest.

"Bones, send a botanist to the Transporter Room."

"Aye, Captain."

Spock swiveled slightly in his chair, turning to Kirk.

"Captain, permission to study one of the Diafaneís plants independently." Spock half questioned, half stated. In response, Kirk half smiled.

"Permission granted, Mr. Spock. May I ask what your interest is in Zavod plant life, specifically?"

"No aspect in particular, Captain," he explained smoothly, "But I do admire the beauty of the plant life, Zavod, that grows only on Diafaneís."

"I see."

"If you would be so interested, Captain, I could show you some of the wondrous characteristics of the organisms in my quarters, later." Spock added.

Kirk's eyes shot back at Spock's and he regrettably stared longer than intended. His heart raced at comprehending the fact that Spock just openly invited him to his quarters…just now…as though it were nothing. He felt as though he were suddenly floating in yet another daydream.

Kirk cleared his throat roughly and readjusted himself in his seat.

"Aheh, yes, Mr. Spock, perhaps I'll look later." He began to sweat instantly, his cheeks turning red at an alarming rate. He tried his best not to seem antsy. His face was as blank as he could make it appear, but he wiggled in his seat with excitement. Spock took notice and raised an eyebrow only slightly. Luckily, Kirk had looked away by that time. Kirk pushed the same button he had on the arm rest.

"Bones?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Leave one of the plants by Mr. Spock's quarters."

"Will do."

Kirk readjusted himself yet again and glanced over at Spock, who was back at work. All Jim had to do at this point, was wait.

Time can be such a tease.


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologize for this chapter ending at another teasing moment, but I love to keep people waiting. ^-^**

By the time shifts had ended, Kirk was drained from his pent-up excitement.

He looked over at Spock's station, having seen him get up and leave in his peripheral. He'd wanted to ask when he could follow-up with the invitation Spock had offered…he wondered if he should simply follow him…no, that would look weird…unprofessional, at the very least. At this point, he felt more embarrassed than anxious, feeling like a child too afraid to ask for a cookie.

What was at first a simple debating game in his mind on what action to take turned into an agonizing when-do-I-go game, now that Spock was surely already in his quarters because of Kirk's hesitation. Whether or not Spock expected him immediately, later, or not at all on this particular day, ate away at Jim's process of elimination. He knew he was now just wasting time on trivial matters. Now he was just _looking_ for an excuse not to go.

By the time the last crew member had left the bridge, he felt his stomach turning till he had to slump over.

_I'm pathetic._

The Captain stood up unusually fast and speed-walked to Spock's quarters, stopping abruptly right at his door. He turned a bit and leaned onto the wall to cool off a moment and forget the tension. He reached into his back pocket to a metal case of Koem, something he swiped from McCoy's cabinets. Aside from the pain in dealing with his feelings, pressures of his normal duties had started to get to him more than usual lately, and he found no alternative. He couldn't have anyone know, including McCoy, that he was not in his right mind lately. If he were to be questioned, he would no doubt slip out something to do with a certain pointed-eared Science Officer. No…he had to let this work its way out privately…besides, the pills weren't dangerous, to his knowledge. He took them with his regular doses in the morning and at night; Kaaeo to keep him awake, Nemutte to put him to sleep, and Koem with each dose to keep him calm.

He swallowed back his insecurities and the small amount of vomit that burned the back of his throat. He straightened his posture, and almost automatically formed his mouth into a smirk. His eyes lowered, no longer looking frantic. He wasn't going to get anywhere by being a shy, nervous wreck. Especially with the calm First Officer. He pushed himself up off the wall, and immediately felt the drug take control of everything. Maybe he'd taken too much – whether he did or not, he could no longer remember how much he took. All he knew was that he felt just fine, all of the sudden. A wave of confidence overcame him. He stumbled to the left a bit, then straightened himself in front of the door. He pulled his shirt down a bit to smooth it out, and ran a hand through his sweaty mop of blonde hair.

_I've got this. I'm James T. Kirk. I'm gonna march right in there and prove it._

Having heard a heavy thud outside his door, Spock rushed to look out into the hallway, only to find a limp, delirious Captain sprawled out on the floor.

"Jim!"

Spock, almost protectively, squatted down on Kirk with a hand behind his head and the other hand checking his pulse. Kirk blinked hard to focus the face above him, and once the ringing in his ears subsided, he was just starting to make out what the voice coming out of it was saying.

"Jim, are you alright? Your pulse is lower than it should be."

Kirk groaned and stood up quickly, which was a mistake. His head throbbed for a moment, but then everything became clear again. Yes, he'd definitely taken one too many, but if there was any occasion appropriate for misuse of the calming meds, this was it. He looked at Spock and for only a split second, his heart ached and wanted to burst, but the drug took care of that and put his heart back in its place.

"I'm…sorry for disturbing you, Mr. Spock. I don't think I've eaten all day, I…must have gotten light-headed…"

Before he mumbled out the last few words of his sentence, Kirk looked down over Spock's bare chest and immediately wished he'd taken even more when he felt himself quivering and something stirred in his pants.

"I had assumed you would be in your quarters by now, Captain. I would still be willing to discuss the Zavod plant life with you if you were coming this way for that purpose, but I must apologize for not being properly dressed, for reasons I just addressed."

Kirk felt paralyzed. He cleared his throat loudly and awkwardly, looking away. Luckily, the wave of confidence was still present in his mind, though clouded with urges to rub against Spock and tackle him to the floor.

Good lord, what would have happened by now had he not taken anything?

"Let's just get inside before someone walks by and gets the wrong idea." he said with a smile, turning to walk in.

"I fail to see what this 'wrong idea' would be, Captain." Spock said, puzzled, as he followed Kirk.


	4. Chapter 4

Kirk stepped through the doorway of Spock's quarters, feeling weightless everywhere but the center of his chest. He forced himself to take balanced strides, despite his legs feeling like air. The waves of confidence were coming back to him, pulsing in his head like a curiously pleasant headache.

Spock walked in calmly behind him, the door swooshing closed. He had very quickly pulled his blue shirt back on. He sat himself behind his desk where a small, potted alien flower sat – its random white vines claiming the place small space it occupied. The Zavod flower was simply stunning, almost intimidating with its beauty. It stemmed from a white base that faded to a deep violet, and what looked like milky dew was hardened on it in various spots. From the faded violet came the flower itself, a vivid mix of crimson and pink. So vivid, in fact, that Kirk had to squint when looking because it stung his eyes in the light. The milk-white leaves were patterned with thick, violet veins. All together, the flower looked like an immaculate painting, so small and yet so intricately detailed.

Kirk took immediate notice of the vacant chair next to Spock, and sat leaning forward, prepared to try his best to listen and seem interested.

_I'm just here to hear about a plant, first… then I can talk to Spock…_

"Zavod plant life is one of the many mysteries of the galaxy," Spock began, talking almost as if he were reading off a page in a dictionary. "…even to the natives on Diafaneís. Its abilities range from replenishing every essential nutrient and mineral in the most barren soil to even curing various diseases with its nectar. On Vulcan, they're used as common houseplants and bare little use to us, but there isn't a single space station that does not carry at least of these plants in case of emergency. In fact, when the Federation was first established, many…"

Spock continued on, using the stylus to point to various parts of the plant that he was discussing at that moment. He had not yet looked up at the Captain.

Kirk had barely noticed the thing. He was not in the least bit interested in the plant. At all.

What Kirk was studying intently was the way the vividness of the flower reflected on the Vulcan's face and tinted it in such a way that made him look like he were blushing furiously. He felt himself blush just looking at it, his face began to burn up again. He made the mistake of letting his eyes travel up and down the length of Spock's body, taking careful note of how his uniform folded at his midsection in sitting position, how it creased in the perfect places outlining his chest and broad shoulders. He couldn't help but slightly grin evilly knowing Spock was completely oblivious to the fact that he was being eye-raped.

"…Captain, have you been listening?"

Kirk glanced up to meet Spock's puzzled expression looking down on him. Great.

He stared (how many times had this happened now?) for too long, his mouth a gap, his palms sweating.

"Are you alright, Captian?" Spock now turned to face him, his voice low, eyebrow raised.

His head began to spin and he felt his heart pounding painfully hard out of his ribs. He felt weak, and suddenly out of breathe. And in that moment, looking up at Spock's worried but completely clueless expression, Jim couldn't handle his pain any longer. Those intelligent, glowing, dream-like eyes looking back at him were now loveless and unforgiving, burning through his walls of ego and charm, backing him up in a corner that he only visited in his nightmares of loneliness and humiliation.

_I feel so small…_

"I'm fine, Spock… I'm just tired." He mumbled his words slowly, his face looked far away.

"Captain, I advise you to see Dr. McCoy tonight. You may be running a fever of some sort."

"No, Spock, I don't need to see McCoy, I'm fine. I just need sleep. And my name is Jim."

Kirk sat up and looked around himself nervously, rubbing the sweat from his palms onto his pants.

"That won't be sufficient, Jim. You need to have a physical in your condition – I'll escort you myself, if you…"

Kirk stood up and looked down on Spock, his eyes desperate and lost.

"NO, Spock! I don't need to be escorted anywhere and you're so goddamn oblivious that you…" he stopped himself, half because he could not finish his words, half because the nausea in his stomach prevented him from trying to.

Whatever Spock's reaction was to this, Jim took no time to see it. He began walking over to the door, each step making him more and more light-headed.

"Jim, wait." Spock spoke smoothly, standing up from his seat.

Kirk let his hands rest on his sides. How could he get himself out of this? There was no good explanation… Spock would be too smart to believe him if he said it was from exhaustion or something else he'd made up. How could he ever form the words in his mouth now with how he felt…

He looked up at the door in front of him, and the one thought pounding in his head was: I am alone.

_He'll never feel the same. _

Spock took silent steps towards Jim, almost like approaching a dangerous animal. He stopped when he was directly behind him. He slowly lifted his left hand and rested it on Jim's shoulder. He felt him shudder at the contact.

"Jim, please clarify as to what I am so oblivious of?"

Kirk sighed heavily. He imagined maybe with a deep enough sigh, all his pain would carry out with it, but it only rested heavier on his chest and in his head. He didn't dare turn around just yet. One, if he turned too quickly, he'd probably faint from dizziness, Two, he couldn't bare the look on the Vulcan's face at this moment, what ever it may entail.

"Spock…you could never understand. I… I can't even count…times I've tried to tell you, show you…touch…" He wanted to finish, but couldn't.

Spock tightened his grip around Kirk's shoulder.

Kirk let out a small gasp.

At that sound, Spock spun Kirk to face him. His eyes searched deeply into Jim's.

"Touch…" Spock almost whispered the word, still searching Jim's face, holding him up by his arms.

"Spock, please…I think I might…" Kirk barely managed to stutter, his eyes closing slowly.

The last thing he remembered was feeling an almost unbearable warmth on his lips and all around his body, like he'd fainted in a permanent hug…

* * *

><p>"Jim? Jim, wake up, damn it!"<p>

Kirk came in and out of consciousness, the sound of Bones' voice beaming over everything. He finally registered that he was awake, lying down in sickbay. He looked up at McCoy and back at the ceiling before saying anything.

"Bones…what happened…"

"God damn it, Jim! You've been taking an almost lethal mixture of meds for weeks without telling anybody! You could have killed yourself! I don't even know how you didn't at least slip into a coma before Spock carried you here. You had a severe allergic reaction to taking far too much Koem with Kaaeo, which is a bad enough combination as it is."

Kirk sat up, processing McCoy's words as best as his lethargic mind could.

"What the hell were you trying to do, Jim, taking depressants and stimulants like candy?"

"Bones…I…."

Jim blinked hard, blinked back the memories of before he blacked out. He was so vulnerable…

A voice broke the silence.

"I'd like to have a word with him, alone, Dr. McCoy."

McCoy turned around, and in view now to Kirk was Spock who had been patiently, quietly, sitting in the corner observing with his fingertips gently pressed together. Bones sighed and sat down a report he'd been holding.

"Maybe you can talk some sense into him. But I still wanna know how you managed to practically save him, Spock, when I get back."

Bones grumbled something on his way out of sickbay, and Kirk shifted to his side slightly, staring at Spock on the other side of the room. Spock was not looking at him.

"What happened to me, Spock?" Jim finally asked.

Spock closed his eyes for a moment, then stood and faced the wall beside him, resting on it with an arm holding him up against it.

"I have to apologize, Jim… As you have not been entirely honest with me, I have not been entirely honest with you. I knew you had been taking Koem in secret – I could recognize the casing outlined in your back pocket easily. I did not know you would be irresponsible. Regardless, I hold myself responsible for not confronting you about it sooner."

Spock's voice sounded labored and irregular.

Kirk also could not help but linger on the fact that Spock somehow recognized an outline…on his back pocket? How intently did he have to stare to even see it in his black pants? Was Spock…possibly…

"Furthermore, Captain, I failed to also inform you that certain chemicals in Koem and Kaaeo, when taken together, formed reactions that you were mildly allergic to. Mildly, of course, when taken properly, unlike the copious amounts you were using…"

"So… let me get this straight, Spock. You know what I am… and am not allergic to? Since when? It would take someone with… an exceptional interest in the matter, to go looking into my personal medical history here in McCoy's office, would it not?"

Spock had turned to face Kirk when he began talking, his hands placed tightly behind his back. He shifted nervously in place, his lips parted slightly. Kirk grinned.

"Furthermore, Mr. Spock, I didn't know it was of Vulcan biology to have… exceptional eyesight. It would, otherwise, take quite a keen person to see an outline of anything on black fabric. Care to explain how you just innocently noticed something out of place poking out of my pants?"

Even Kirk had to smile widely at the unintended innuendo he'd ensued. He felt himself coming back to normal, finally.

Spock, on the other hand, was looking trapped. He cleared his throat and tugged his shirt down to smoothen it. Kirk was surprised to no end that his comment had actually had an effect on Spock.

"Captain, taking the Zavod plant to my quarters was not just out of personal interest. I had planned for the worse when I knew what you were doing. You did more than faint, Jim. You went into a nearly fatal cardiac arrest. I had to apply the nectar of the plant to your chest immediately and…"

Spock trailed off, and walked closer to Kirk till he was at the side of the bed.

Kirk instinctively touched his chest, which he had just realized was bare. His skin felt like silk where the supposed nectar had been applied. He breathed in deeply, and could no longer ignore how his eye level conveniently met with Spock's thighs where he stood by the bed. He began imaging Spock applying the milky substance to his bare chest…how gentle and soft his hands must have been…how warm…

"Spock… Right before I blacked out, I remembered feeling hot…."

Spock cautiously sat on the edge of the bed close to Kirk, facing away from his so he could not see his face.

"It was most likely part of your allergic reaction, Captain." Spock was breathing harder suddenly.

"No, Spock. I felt it on my lips, too. I know it wasn't part of any reaction."

Kirk sat forward now. He moved his body so that he was sitting behind Spock on the bed, who was still on the edge.

"…and I think you know it wasn't, either."

At that, Kirk scooted forward and moved his legs to Spock's sides and rested his chest against Spock's back. He slid both hands around the Vulcan's belly and hugged him, the one who saved his life. He hugged him tighter than he had ever hugged anyone. Any woman. Any human. Ever.

And he was not afraid.

"Spock…" Kirk whispered his name against his back, breathing in his scent and letting his alien heat sink into his body for however long he would have this moment before Spock would surely leave. His body was so firm and perfect…

Spock closed his eyes slowly.

"Jim… I need you to clarify what you could not tell me back in my quarters…"

Kirk's heart skipped a beat, but he could not cower down at this moment. Not now.

"I've wanted you ever since the first time I saw you, Spock. I want you all to myself." He felt like he had said it too quietly, but Spock sank forward more, and Kirk guessed he must have heard.

In a very deep, almost angry tone, Spock uttered, "Why…"

His sudden change in tone made Kirk tense up and loosen his hold on Spock, but he retaliated against his doubts and dared to slid a hand up the Vulcan's thigh ever so slowly, till he was nearly cupping the now prominent bulge in his pants. The moment Kirk's fingertips came in contact with it, Spock shot forward, breaking Kirk's hold instantly, and in a whirl of colour and movement, Kirk suddenly found himself uncomfortably pinned down by his wrists by the First Officer on top of him.

"Spock, please!" Jim didn't struggle, but for a few moments he was genuinely afraid of Spock and his strength.

Spock loosened his grip only slightly, and looked down, the anger fading in his eyes.

"This just…isn't _logical,_ Jim…"

He let go of Kirk's wrists and rested his arms under his. His knees were bent and he rested himself between Kirk's hips. His head hung in what looked like shame…

"I've felt…all of that for you. And I know I shouldn't. I can't…" Spock's voice softened.

"Spock, please…I felt that way at first, too. I know it doesn't seem right at first. But I can't pretend it's not there anymore, because it is. Every time I look at you. And I want it now more than ever, Spock… and I know you want me back."

Kirk moved his hips up and down in one quick motion, causing Spock to lower even more onto Kirk, and even whimper quietly on Kirk's chest. Spock's soft, black hair shined in the light above him.

After a moment, Spock's voice vibrated Kirk's chest and he felt his lips brush against his skin.

"I do want you, Jim. I need you."

Jim turned his head where one of Spock's hands was resting. He wriggled his arm up under his and slid his fingertips under Spock's palm, and teased each part of the Vulcan's hand, moving up and down each finger painfully slow, making circles in the center of his palm.

Spock was trembling violently, groaning directly into Kirk's ear. He almost couldn't take how wonderful this moment was, and how much better it was getting. He stopped himself from thinking further.

_I've waited too long… I don't have to dream this, anymore… I deserve this… I need him…_

Kirk grinned evilly, and stopped his motions. Spock's chest was heaving against his, and Kirk felt Spock's body twitch, aching for more contact.

"What's wrong, Spock?" Kirk asked, teasingly.

"More…" he barely murmured into his ear.

Kirk took Spock's hand into his completely and hovered it over his lips, breathing warm air on it slowly. Spock gasped quietly, waiting and silently begging. When Spock finally pushed himself roughly against Kirk, rubbing each other's barely-contained erections together as hard as they could, Kirk immediately slid a finger into his warm mouth and ran his tongue over it, flicking and teasing him with two fingers now. Spock bite into Jim's neck, groaning as quietly as he could hold back, his legs pulling up tighter against him, rocking gently up and down between Kirk's legs.

Finally, Kirk could no longer handle the utter pleasure from this and still tease Spock's long, delicate fingers. He pushed the helpless Vulcan down on the bed and pulled his tight black pants off with ease. Jim could practically see Spock's erection pulsing through his briefs. But he wouldn't dive into this quickly. No. He would savor every reaction. He scooted closer between Spock's long legs and traced a finger down one of his thighs. He could see the goose bumps form as he went. He progressed to eventually moving both his hands up and down the length of both his thighs lovingly, occasionally letting a thumb "slip" over his bulge, causing Spock to flinch.

"Spock. Look at me."

Spock's eyes were in another world altogether. Kirk looked at him with a smirk.

"I want you to watch. I want to see every reaction you make."

And with that, Kirk roughly began rubbing between Spock's legs with both hands, running individual fingers over weak spots, letting one or two fingers at a time slide into the slit of his briefs to tease him directly, and Spock was on the verge of yelling. Kirk stared at him intently as Spock arched his back and groaned louder, panting, grabbing fists full of sheets and blushing deeper and deeper shades of green. Kirk smiled wider and wider, loving the utter control he had over the Vulcan, giving him more pleasure than he probably had ever felt before.

"You're acting so emotional, Spock." Kirk teased, ceasing his actions.

Spock slowed his breathing and looked at Kirk with half-lidded eyes, his body trembling still.

"Jim…there's something you must know…"

"Oh?"

Kirk pretended not to really listen, and began to pull the briefs off. A fairly large pool of thick, Vulcan pre-cum stained them. It only made Kirk smile even more.

"Jim, it is important for you to know that…." Spock stopped abruptly and arched back into the bed, moaning deeply. Jim slid Spock's throbbing member half way into his mouth, searching it with his tongue over every sensitive spot, encircling the head of it with care. His soft lips french-kissed over the entire length of it, sucking every amount of hot, thick pre-cum from the tip, and when his tongue met a spot that made Spock whimper and flinch, he teased it mercilessly till Spock begged him to stop, to no avail.

With Spock now on the verge of cumming, Kirk sat him up straight to look at him, taking pride in what he'd done. He carefully undressed Spock completely and leaned over him, only looking, not touching. He memorized every mark on his chest, the curve of his neck and collarbone, the beautiful lines of his face, the sexy form of his pointed ears. Unexpectedly, Spock reached a hand up to Jim's face, and stroked it with two fingers.

"Jim, it may or may not be a surprise to you, but I wanted to tell you that…technically speaking by human standards…I am a virgin." He spoke in a flat tone, unsure of Jim's response.

Jim looked down on him and placed two fingers against Spock's, leaning down to kiss him softly.

"Perfect. Then I can be your first _and_ your last." Jim whispered to him. Spock leaned up into another tender kiss, holding Jim close, and never wanting to let go….


	5. Part 2: The Party

**So, to make things clear, THIS IS NOT A CONTINUATION of the first story in the last 4 chapters. This is another story I made continuing on the "virgin" theme, only this time, it's from Spock's point of view. :3**

**Hopefully you guys will like this new plot line, too, and maybe once I've finished this one, I can continue making other plot lines circling this theme.**

**Apologies for taking so long!**

* * *

><p><em>I have no one to go with… I should not be concerning myself so much… But then why do I feel so compelled? <em>

Spock sat in the middle of his bed, meditating away thoughts of stress and discomfort. He had been doing so for a full two hours now. The standard Federation clock read 10:00AM, and also displayed that the room temperature was near 100 degrees, a mildly comfortable atmosphere for him.

A recognizable ping was heard in his room, but was only met by silence. Spock was deep in his meditation.

A voice broke over an intercom.

"Commander Spock, please come in."

_I have no obligation to attend… I should not be so distraught…._

"Commander Spock, are you there? Please come in."

Spock's focus wavered slightly for a moment, and then the trance faded from his thoughts like a veil to reality.

He sighed quietly, and moved from his bed to the intercom summoning him.

"Spock here."

"You are needed in the meeting room, sir. " Uhura informed him.

Spock changed out of his robe quickly, but was careful to fold it neatly back into the proper drawer. He blew out the few candles that were lit, but let the incense continue to burn in a safe area, where it was neither a fire hazard, nor an ashy mess. He was dressed in uniform and on his way to the meeting room in under 2 minutes, but his speed was merely due to the autopilot mode in which he was in performing all these normal functions - his mind was elsewhere, occupied by worries that he had not had time to completely meditate away.

* * *

><p>Kirk exited the room first, strutting out slowly and then leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. The "meeting" had been about the proposed celebration of sorts from the Medatanai people. Next week it would be the 10th anniversary of them making first contact with the Federation, helping their people with the barren soil that was threatening starvation for the entire planet. They were endlessly grateful, and have since been a joyous race that celebrated often and quickly grew a reputation over a small period of time for throwing the best parties in their solar system. Needless to say, most everyone was excited by the idea of having one of those celebration dances on the Enterprise. Attendance was 'optional', but of course everyone had been making plans for the passed 2 weeks.<p>

Spock exited last after Scotty, hands clasped behind his back. A smirk creeped up on Kirk's face, but he held it back as Spock approached him curiously.

Spock stood perfectly still, waiting for the Captain to speak.

Kirk waited another second or so, then uncrossed his arms and made a waving motion with his hand for Spock to follow him down the hallway.

"What d'you make of this whole party, Mr. Spock?" he asked breathlessly, not looking at him directly.

Spock hesitated, then drew in a quick breathe and replied, "I do not understand the question."

"Come on, Spock. You're going, aren't you?" he questioned playfully.

Spock looked straight ahead down the hall, his gaze blank. "My presence at the party is not an obligation, Captain. A social gathering, especially one composed of Humans and Medatanaians, can be a loud, distressing situation for someone of my species. "

Kirk's face suggested he had just imagined exactly that, and was having trouble holding in his amusement.

"My apologies, I just didn't take you as the shy type, Spock." Kirk said, nonchalantly. He looked around the hall grinning widely as if his statement _wasn't_ something that would catch Spock's attention.

Spock raised an eyebrow and looked directly at the Captain as they continued to walk steadily. "I clearly stated that my lack of interest in the social gathering was one of…"

Kirk interrupted him. "Lack of interest? Now you're simply not interested in going? It seems illogical, Spock, to…"

"Captain, please do not make unrealistic assumptions where I've given no reason for you to pass unfair judgement."

"Come now, Spock, I wouldn't judge you for being embarrassed that you don't have a date for the party." Kirk was beaming, smiling from ear to ear and not yet making eye contact with Spock.

Spock's face turned a faint tinge of green, and the tips of his ears were burning a bright emerald. He was grateful the Captain wasn't looking at him at this moment. Why Kirk took such amusement out of flustering him was a mystery to him. He decided not to respond to this.

Kirk reached out and gently took Spock's arm to stop him in the hall, where the door to the bridge was.

"I'm only joking, Spock. Whether or not you decided to attend is entirely your choice, and whatever decision you make, I trust, will be an entirely logical one." Kirk said, shooting a charming look at Spock that said, 'No hard feelings.'

Spock was caught off-guard at the sudden stop in motion and contact with Kirk's hand on his arm. He found himself uncomfortably flustered again and held back his need to blush again when he made direct eye contact with Jim's hazel eyes.

He was barely able to force out a quick, "Thank you, Captain." before they turned and went their separate ways on the bridge.


	6. Chapter 6

The day had started late, but seemed to last longer than usual for Kirk, uncrossing and re-crossing his legs in his chair while he covered a silent yawn with the back of one hand. He wasn't tired, but more or less, bored. This part of the Illux system was typically peaceful, which was probably a welcomed break for most of the crew, but not for him. Besides the strange feeling he had in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't pinpoint about this area of space, he needed the energy and adrenaline. It was part of the reason he joined Starfleet to begin with. He had needed a change in his life. An important, meaningful, exciting, honorable change.

A familiar tone came from the arm rest of his chair.

"Kirk here."

"I have a…friend, of yours, that wants to speak to you, Captain. He says it is a personal, private matter and would request to speak to you in your own quarters through your own screen."

_Well this is…unexpected. _

"Thank you, tell him to wait a minute."

Kirk stood from his chair, only to find his leg asleep and his back stiff. He grunted for Spock to take the comm, and left the bridge half-limping.

_I need a comfier chair._

He was hardly contemplating who he would be digitally faced with in a moment. His mind was occupied with the rush of plans for the celebration that seemed to pile-up over the passed few weeks. Conveniently, they would be stopping by a nearby space station tomorrow for the food they needed. In particular, the food they needed for the Medatanai people.

Kirk pushed aside his thoughts when he turned his way into his own quarters, sat down on his bed, and turned on his screen.

Who he saw was the absolute last person in the Universe he would have wanted to see again. Only the boy's face was shown on the screen. He had flawless, glowing skin and silky blonde hair with bangs that were brushed out of the way of his icy blue eyes that narrowed into his perfectly straight little nose. His youthful complexion was matched by the happy, carefree tone in his voice when he addressed Kirk with ease, as if he didn't notice the horrified look on the Captain's face.

"Jim! I'm so happy I got a hold of you! I didn't know you would be in this area, why didn't you tell me?"

The boy was bursting with enthusiasm. Kirk was burning-up with shock.

"Sawyer…" was all he could mumble out at the sight of the young-looking boy staring back at him with bright eyes and that wide, white, heart-warming smile of his.

"Jim, I heard about the anniversary celebration that's being held on your ship. On _your_ ship of all places! Well, it isn't _that_ surprising…I forget sometimes how important and successful you are." As Sawyer said this, he narrowed his innocent eyes at Kirk in the same admiring way he did when they first met, and then later when they…

The memory brought unwelcome arousal. He shifted on his bed, crossing his arms in a slow, subconscious fashion with a look of disbelief in his eyes.

"Sawyer, I… I don't know where you're going with this, but…"

"Come on, Jim, don't be like that. I know what you're thinking but I'm not coming to embarrass you in front of your important friends…"

"You, no, wait, you're coming _HERE_?" Kirk's panic was hardly acknowledged.

"…I'm only coming for the party and to visit my uncle. You know, I told you about him. He works with Engineering. But, Jim…" at this pause, he gave Jim a not-so-innocent look that went straight through his uniform pants, "that's just my excuse. I'm really coming to see _you_ while you're here."

Kirk had never been more at a loss for words when he wanted so badly to say a million different things. How had he even gotten contact with him? Why did he have to contact him at all? Did he think he could really just come aboard _his ship_ with that excuse? And why now of all times?

"Look, Sawyer…I…."

"Jim, don't worry. No one knows, okay? I just wanna see you while I have a chance. I've missed you. I have to go but I'll meet you tomorrow at the space station I know you'll be stopping by." At that, the boy terminated the conversation, and Kirk stumbled back down onto his bed .

It had been almost over 8 months since he'd seen the 18-year-old human boy on a short shore leave on his planet. He had grown up on a Starfleet base with his family and had only just graduated from high school.

Kirk wasn't looking for a 'good time' or anything, he genuinely just wanted to find a place to rest for a while. He'd found a nice resort to stay at for a while when, at the poolside, he saw him. Sawyer, with his pale smooth skin, to Kirk, was simply begging to be his object of stress-relief. He was staying there with a few of his friends as a vacation for graduating, but Kirk could care less why he was there. Or that he was nearly 15 years younger than him. All Jim Kirk knew was that he had a lot of un-attended-to sexual tension that suddenly had become his top priority for relieving on this shore leave, and the innocent blonde boy with shy eyes was the perfect fit.

He remembered approaching him when he saw him sitting on one of the stools near the public tables, looking contently into the distance. Kirk was no longer in uniform, thankfully. He remembered the way he felt when walking up to him, his eyes so fixated and confident, like a well-rehearsed game of predator and prey. He asked the boy if he could sit next to him, and from the moment he heard the nervous, flustered tone in the young boy's voice, he knew damn well that he was going to get him good and fast.

He asked him small-talk questions that he didn't care to hear the answers to. He was more focused on watching the water dripping down his pale, toned chest and stomach. He remembered how unexpectedly adorable the boy sounded when he told him his name.

_Oh my god, you're Captain Kirk? I've been hearing about you since I was a kid! My uncle works on the Enterprise! My whole family has a long history of serving in Starfleet._

He could hear the anxiousness in the boy's voice when he asked him if he'd like to come to his room later and talk more about 'what it's like on a real starship' and 'what it's like to be Captain.' He simply could not get enough of the blatant virgin tendencies Sawyer was not well at hiding. It made him feel in power, dominant, all things he enjoyed that came with being a Captain. He remembered the look of utter guilt on Sawyer's face when he said he couldn't stop by that night - he had plans with friends for a graduation party. Jim purposely made sure to give Sawyer a look of dismissal when he said, "Oh, no, look, don't even worry about it. I understand." It worked perfectly. Sawyer was immediately at his feet assuring him he could and _wanted_ to see him the next day. His tone was almost frantic, as if Jim hadn't already planned on seeing him the next night, despite the look of "Hmm, I don't know…" on his face.

This wasn't the first time he regretted a one-night stand, and it probably wouldn't be the last. He told himself that it was better to be careless in that area than at his job, where he had proved time and time again that he handled quite the opposite.

_Why, Sawyer? Why now, why ever? What do you possibly hope to gain coming here? _

He knew he had no way to reject his coming. He couldn't prevent one of his crew-members from seeing a family member that had every right to come aboard, even if that wasn't their true intention of doing so. He tried not to imagine what would happen to him and his reputation if anyone were to find out that he'd had some form of relationship with Sawyer. Not only for him being a boy, but being a young, _innocent_ boy….

18 or not, Sawyer did not act like a young man on his way to college. He was energetic and had a childish playfulness about him. He was shy, except around those he was well-acquainted with. He definitely looked his age, except for those innocent blue eyes…

Kirk remembered those eyes half-lidded when he looked up at them, after having kissed a trail down his stomach to his briefs.

_Stop it. Stop thinking about it._

Kirk put both hands over his eyes and sighed quietly.

_What am I gonna do..._


	7. Chapter 7

A Yeoman entered the bridge quickly and quietly, making her way to Kirk with a form to be signed.

She closed in on him hardly taking a glance at the Captain's face as she handed him the form, but even in the corner of her eye, she caught the glimmer of sweat pouring down his face and looked at him head-on. He was a total mess, in a pool of his own sweat in his chair.

"We will arrive at the station in less than 3 minutes, Captain." Sulu announced.

"Sir.." the Yeoman said is a hushed tone, throwing him a soft look of concern. Kirk looked back at her with his flustered eyes and an expression that read, "Do I really look that bad?", but forced a small smile of reassurance to her.

"Thank you, Yeoman," he said quietly, handing her back the signed form, "…prepare to dock," he said a bit louder in the general direction of Sulu and Chekov.

The Enterprise crept closer and closer to the station, and Kirk sunk lower and lower in his chair, as if maybe if he pushed himself as far back into his chair as possible, he'd really move further away from the station and further away from his fate.

Spock went to move from his scanner back to his chair, but stole a glance over at the Captain looking ridiculous, sunken into his chair and sweating profusely. He did a quick double-take and sat down before Kirk could have noticed. He rested his hands over his work space gently so he wasn't pushing any buttons, and furrowed his brow ever so slightly, in both confusion and concern. He quickly relaxed his face and resumed his work a second after.

_Something is wrong with Jim…_

The Enterprise docked safely and Kirk announced to all the crew over the intercom a 24hour shore leave. He waited for most everyone to exit the bridge before he stood and readjusted his shirt, damp and sticking to his skin. He rubbed his eyes and walked around his chair to see Spock waiting, leaning against one of the walls near the door with his arms crossed looking uncommonly, and probably unintentionally, seductive.

"Spock…I should've guessed you'd stay here, you and your No-Shore-Leave policy," he said, grinning softly, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Actually, Captain, seeing as I have no prior obligations aboard this ship for the next 24 hours, I thought it only fitting that I accompany you in retrieving the supplies needed here." Spock's demeanor was less official somehow, as it tended to be when he and Spock were alone together and not on a dangerous mission. A suffocating guilt gripped Kirk, seeing this Vulcan that had his trust and respect, this Vulcan that only let his guard down for Jim, and no one else.

Jim gulped a little too loudly. He had hoped Spock would have stayed on board as usual. He had hoped there would be no one around when he stepped foot into the station. He had especially hoped no one would see him if and when a certain young blonde came running at him and embracing him like a long-lost love reunion of sorts.

His eyes darted back and forth between Spock's eyes, feeling so guilty, as if he had cheated on Spock.

"I don't see why not," Kirk finally announced, more to himself than to Spock. The stoic Vulcan followed close behind him off the bridge with his hands clasped gently behind his back, like a tall, silent shadow of the anxious human.

The very sound of his Federation boots hitting the floor of the station was enough to send his heart throbbing faster, with his eyes darting in every which direction, jumping at every glimpse of a blonde in his periphery. Wondering where the hell is the food unit, and why does it seem so far away?

Spock continued walking quietly, patiently, behind him. Observing silently how oddly the Captain seemed to be portraying signs of paranoia, in the most uncommon of areas. He kept these observations to himself until…he simply no longer could.

Spock barely quickened his pace to walk beside the Captain when suddenly Kirk slowed to barely a crawl, looking around, lost.

Spock leaned in close to Kirk's shoulder. "_Jim_…" Spock's voice low and concerned.

Kirk turned his wide, hazel eyes to meet the Vulcan's, close enough to smell the alien incense he rarely was close enough to smell. It strangely calmed him, and excited him, all at once.

"…would you mind explaining your peculiar actions?" Spock's eyes did not change, but his brow furrowed every so slightly.

Kirk rubbed his hands together briefly, only to be unpleasantly surprised at his hideously sweaty palms. "Spock, I…wouldn't know what _peculiar_ actions you're referring to. I'm merely looking for that damn well-hidden food unit…" he said, wiping his palms on his pants and pretending to be looking around, searching.

He paused a moment in his failed act and looked back at Spock with a painful guilt smothering his face - Spock's eyes burrowing into his, Jim wanting so badly to just confess everything and not make such a big deal about a kid he barely knew… He finally couldn't take those eyes anymore and continued walking, turning away from that damn Vulcan that saw right through him, always.


End file.
